| | Amanda and I would greatly appreciate your prayers as we face a rather major issue that will impact the whole of our future. It's a situation many don't face, but those who have no doubt could sympathize if they knew what it was. Suffice it to say, it's life-changing, throws us both deep into new territory and uncertainty, and there very likely is no turning back once the decision is made and things are set in motion.
So yeah. Please pray that we'll have the wisdom to make the right decision, that God's Will for us will be accomplished, that He will bless our endeavors, and that things won't turn out near as badly as we both secretly dread. If I make the wrong decision.... well, let's hope that doesn't happen. I just hope that she'll be able to trust me even if I'm not able to explain everything... you'd really have to be me to completely understand everything that's gone on/ is going on/ will go on.
The choice seems clear most of the time, but the POLITICS of it. I've seen others make this decision before... it gives me courage to know that they were the better for it. But I can't help that nagging feeling... what if I'm wrong? Even if a return to the way things were is possible, what we fear most is the immediate aftermath. Even though the most negative of anticipated events would be the result of poor/mis-understanding, possibly ignorance, and maybe even superstition... we can't help but care about the source of those events. It hurts when you get a negative reaction from someone you care about, even if the reaction itself is stupid and unfounded.
And I don't like confrontations. Debate, I like. It's helpful. But confrontation? Everything is different when the parties walk away. And different could be really good... but you'll always feel going into it that 'maybe I miscalculated'... it's the self-doubting, I guess, that makes this all so hard. If I could just gain some confidence...
If I knew I had someone's support, that would help. Although I stutter in saying it, I believe I have God's support. His should be the most important, of course, but we all crave the praise of Man, don't we? What makes taking a stand noble is the fact that there is something to be lost in taking that stand... whether it's a comfortable spot within the comfort zone, or a collection of relationships.
I need to prioritize.. I HAVE prioritized, and yet the decision is so hard to make. All those secondary priorities are what makes it hard. And I have this stupid internal necessity to TIME things right, to use TACT, and play the game of politics just right. But isn't what God wants more important? Of course it is. Why should I consider my own false comfortableness when God's commanding voice is calling me?
I need to do what is best for me, best for my wife, my future children.... and what God wants for us. God knows what's best and if He is indeed leading me/us in this new direction... we need to do it without a backward glance. Lot's wife knew what needed to be done, but she looked back....
Now would be a good time to embrace apathy, to quench the pain. But it's exactly the opposite of apathy that brought me to this point, and so it's Love that will bring me through and be my witness that the decision I made was done with the best of intention and for the greater good. It's a lot of pressure. It's a lot of responsibility.
Out drinking and playing video games tonight. I'll procrastinate another day...
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| | Posted 6/17/2008 6:44 PM - 23 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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